2004: The Divorce, Panama (where I kissed a girl), Italy, & Family Bitterness

Truth is so obscure now a days and lies so well established that unless we love the truth we shall never recognize it.           

Pascal 

By now Mark and I were living different lives. He remained the Bossman at Hot Wax while I turned into an inquirer of the arts. On the side Mark wanted life to be a rock-and-roll surf party, while I wanted to sit with philosophers, theologians, painters and writers. The Truth was, in school I was learning the continual language of human thought, and I was giddy about it. The more I was learning the more questions I had. Inquiring became a drug to me. Mark was taking other drugs, so our highs were very different.   

Mark was always a good man, he's romantic and secure, but he also likes to dominate. This makes him a good business person, unfortunately, this also makes him somewhat obtrusive to independent thinkers. Over the years our conversations about things became arbitrary verbal signals and gestures with missed cues. We didn't even know when to laugh in each others' presence. It was time both of us moved on into worlds that understood not only our sense of humor, but also our definition of Submission.

The details about our divorce will be in my book, (among other life details that I can't fit into the limited space of a blog). Truth was, there were a lot of aspects to our separation. I will say however, that even though we made lots of money together and traveled the world for over twenty years, even though we were pretty good parents together and took care of our family members when they needed us, and even though we looked like the perfect nuclear couple around town, we were far from intimate friends. We were strangers with benefits.

At the end of our divorce fiasco, we had added up our empire and split it down the middle. Mark got all his rock & roll autographs, I got the Tommy pinball machine. We haven't really spoken since. I find that sad.

This year my little baby girl graduated from high School. She had gotten a Teaching Fellows Scholarship and was heading to UNCG in the Fall to become a drama school teacher. Since I had graduated from the Community College and was now heading to UNCW, we would somewhat be going to Universities together. I was excited about that. It's funny, when I started collage in 2000 fellow students knew me as Shaun's Mom because they were his classmates. In 2004 classmates knew me as Sarah's Mom. I was proud of both titles.

The Summer before the UNCW school year started I went on two substantial trips, one to Panama with a group of girls and the other to Italy with Sarah. Both trips held epiphanies for me.  

I went to Panama with the girls that were in Costa Rica while I was there in 2000. This would be the first complete estrogen trip I had ever been on. Us girls, (G, C, and I), stayed at a small surf camp in Santa Catalina. The waves were a constant and fun 4 to 6ft. At one point a good 6 to 8ft. South swell moved in and we took a boat to Punta Roca. All of us girls were chargers, so we held our own amongst the locals. We surfed twice a day and then drank beer until we passed out. In between we ate at local restaurants and bars.

Santa Catalina

One afternoon, while at a bar, we managed to strike up a conversation with a local guy who had a horse. We asked him if we could take it on the beach for a run. "No hay problema." he said. When he brought the horse to us it looked skinny and young. "I'll go first," said C. G and I were good with that. Personally, I'd been on 3rd world horses before and I understood that you never know what you're going to get with them. If C wanted to go first, well, that was okay with me.

C hopped in the saddle and was immediately bucked off.  Everyone within a 100 yard radius started giggling, even C. In true good sportsmanship style, she jumped back on. Suddenly the horse took off in a full run down the local road and through the little Panama town. C could only hold on for dear life.

At first G and I were stunned. I feared C falling off and getting hurt. However, both of us were laughing so hard it took us a minute to realize we needed to go after her. 

As we walked down the town's road to meet our comrade on the run away horse the local children were eager to show us the way she went with their pointing fingers and shouts, "Vaquera!" (cowgirl). They too were laughing hysterically.

By the time we walked about 1/2 a mile we spotted C coming back holding the horse by the reigns.
"What happened?" I asked.
"I don't know. The tighter I held the reigns the faster the damn thing ran." C replied.
"How'd you stop?"
"I had both legs on one side ready to jump off when the horse just stopped. It was like it figured I was done with the run." We laughed at the prospects of the animal knowing when to cease the mayhem.
"Well, I'm glad you didn't fall off." I said gratefully. The last thing I wanted to do was spend the rest of our trip visiting C in the local hospital.
"Yeah, well, who's next?" asked C. G and I looked at each other, "Not it," we said in unison.
 As we walked back to the beach to return the horse we were laughing so hard the whole town joined us in the uproar. For the rest of the trip, every time we walked through town, we heard, "Quirer comprar un caballo?" (You want to buy a horse?)

On that trip C and I started talking. She was so easy to relate to that we chatted about everything. Her clear ocean blue eyes had a way of bringing out my personal side. She made me feel like she wanted to hang on my every word. In her presence I was an interesting person. And before this trip I hadn't laughed like she made me laugh in years. I was taken back when one afternoon, in a small tide pool in Panama, I kissed a girl. We kissed a lot....and some. Curiously enough, from that day forward, my life would be incredibly different. Who knew a woman could be so pleasant to be with.

  Firenze, Italy

For Sarah's graduation present Mark and I sent her to Europe for two months. Since 911 traveling had become a hassle, so I was glad when Mark flew with her to London to help her get acclimated. They also took in the sights. This was a difficult part of her trip since the two weren't relating very well and all Mark wanted to talk about was how much I was a snot. When Mark flew home Sarah was free to roam the European rails and find her inner being. I was so proud of her, but I was also nervous. She knew this and stayed connected regularly. Like Shaun, this adventure was the beginning of Sarah's own life story. 

At the end of Sarah's trip I met her in Venice Italy. After touring around that beautiful place a couple of days we hopped a train to Florence. In Florence Sarah and I rented scooters. After 30 minutes of riding around all those one-way Italian roads Sarah took a pretty good spill. She turned a corner too fast and the scooter slid out from under her and lightly hit a car. Her knee was bruised and bleeding but didn't need anything more than a good cleaning. She refused to do anything but walk back to the hostel we were staying at. This left me with walking two scooters more that a mile back to the rental place. I was so pissed! Once I paid for the dents and broken tail light, the woman at the rental place told me I could have my scooter for another 30 minutes if I wanted. I jumped at the chance to scoot around Florence by myself. The day ended with a good time on the streets...then a bottle of fine Italian wine.   

Sistine Chapel

After Florence took a train to Rome to visit the Vatican. Because I was so in love with the Renaissance period, Rome was a delight. I savored every painting, water fountain, and statue I saw...all 300+ of them. 

In Italy, I spotted for the first time a Smart Car. I had never seen anything on four wheels so cute!, and Italy was full of them. "I want to drive one of those." I told Sarah. We rented one of the adorable machines and proceeded to drive around Rome. Our goal was to drive to the coast of the Tyrrhenian Sea to check out the waves. At first Sarah and I fought about directions. Neither one of us read Italian so neither one of us could read the street signs, (there were no iPhones yet to google the way).

After going around in circles for 20 minutes I decided to take a random exit. Fortunately it was the A91 heading to the beaches of Fiumicino. We were on our way. 

Once we pulled up to the coast we got our feet wet in the cool, totally flat, Tyrrhenian Sea. We spent the day walking around and shopping in the local shops. The day ended up being truly wonderful...and I got the Smart Car up to 85 before it started to skip like it wanted to fly. They're a little shaky at high speeds, I will give these Smart Cars props for their gas milage though. (I'll add a picture of the Smart Car when Sarah emails it to me.)

Grand Targhee Wyoming

The year ended with a snowboarding trip to Wyoming with my brother. We we chatted about my divorce. He wanted to know the details. After trying to explain my side of things I told my brother that I still wanted to be his surf-trip buddy. "Let's plan a trip to Mexico." I said, he didn't really reply.  Later I found out why. Mark and my brother already had a trip planed. I was so hurt. Later my brother told me how happy he was to have a brother. The pain of losing my brother to my ex was devastating. Deep down I believed it was because Mark got the surf shop (with all it's goods, including surfboards) in the separation. It felt like even my Mom wasn't really there for me, but, the truth was, we never really talked about deep things, ever, and she acted like she didn't want to get involved. At the end of 2004 I couldn't help but put California on the far back burner to simmer. This was easy to do since my family rarely came out to the East Coast to visit anyway. It hurt my heart.

2004 was truly bitter-sweet. 

"...and then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful then the risk it took to blossom."    Anais Nin