Have you ever had that dream where you went back to High School? Only in the dream you were older. I had that dream all the time in my 20s and 30s. I'd walk the halls as if I was the shiz. I still didn't know how to spell, but I had life experiences and cooler clothes. Going back to college in my 40s was a dream come true. Only this time I wasn't lazy about school work and I payed attention. I had better questions for the teachers, and I cared about the answers. I wasn't doing the drugs I did back in my teens either, which had me convinced I was smarter this time around. (Reference; 1974: Edison High School Freshman, 3/3/11 to 1978: My Senior Year, 3/12/11). School was a perfect fit for me. I entered UNCW's Creative Writing program (because there were no tests) and moonlighted with a Philosophy minor. I thought about getting another minor in Theology, but, then I'd never get invited to social gatherings.
One thing that made my school days extraordinary was that I had access to generational links, i.e. my kids, friends, and C. This was the year I spent strengthening these relationships.
I took a road trip to New York to visit L for a weekend. He had gotten a job at Merck in NJ and was living with a couple of housemates. (See; 1995: Defining The Word Value, 5/5/11) We walked the streets of NYC chatting about all the trouble we started with our emails and the Journals we shared. Over the years L had become one of my very good friends. He kept me up to date on big city literature. He's the one who taught me to respect the Graphic Novel and Anime. He's also a very sexy painter. In truth I once admitted to Mark that L was a temptation...I mean seriously, look at the guy!
Our lips never touched however. This is because I have this theory I call the Dessert Behind the Glass theory. It goes like this, for those of us with good imaginations, we know a dessert looks better behind a glass showcase than it literally tastes (with guilt). To savor the beauty of the dessert simply don't put it on your plate. Always admire it from the other side of the glass. This is how you keep from spoiling the imagination (with consequences) and getting into trouble (with the rules of cause & effect). Personally I have a grand imagination when it comes to hotness, however, in my worldly observations, sex can burn holes in friendships and turn hotness into a cold shoulder. This is true in spite of what TV says.
If L and I had hooked up, I guarantee the day would have come when one of us would have been left alone standing in the rain. Consequently, I would miss out on all the conversations we have about books, religious ideas, and the lack of sincerity within humanity (which is what the Bible is very clear about more than anything). To date L has got more books listed on Goodreads.com then anyone I know, and he raises some of the most beautiful snakes, which he sells. L is a perfect NYC connection.
Q had moved to Chapel Hill where he was turning Tar Heel blue. He was studying to be a bilingual contract attorney in between Franklin St. parties. He spoke Spanish like a smart ass street kid too. When he came to visit his parents while on breaks, we'd go surfing and catch up. I had sold my Kawasaki KLX 250S duel sport and got a well used Suzuki RM 125 dirt bike I named Ramona. C bought a Polaris Predator. She and I would take these toys out behind the house or on the beach during the off season (during the tourist season we'd travel to the mountains with them). When Q came into town we'd trailer the bikes and pirate ride down some fire road off of Highway 74/76. Q liked to see if he could land on his feet in the danger zone, which he always did when his balls of steel didn't get in the way.
Q is easy to talk to. We've always seen things eye-to-eye. Even though he's young he's an old independent soul. He was also the one guy who knew what Mark was up too after the divorce. It wasn't that he was my spy, he knew things because he still shopped at Hot Wax long after I left. And he rode a custom ProLine surfboard which Mark shaped.
My other big city connection was Shaun in Chicago. I flew up a couple of times to visit him this year. Shaun was doing the music thing and would play me his latest stuff. Over the years Shaun would be the biggest contributor to my CD collection. He constantly had new bands for me to hear. While in Chicago we'd walk the streets around his neighborhood and visit music shops. Every time I saw Shaun's face when he'd pick up a guitar and start playing, I was reassured that he was just where he needed to be, even though I missed him all the time. Shaun's move gave me empathy for my Mom when it came to having a child move far away. I realized this year how hard it must have been for her when I moved away to Hawaii back in 1979.
Six months after Shaun moved to Chicago he got home sick and wanted to move back. "You have to stay for at least 2 years." I told him. That's my philosophy about moving. I figure after 730 days one knows the area pretty well and can make a better decision as to whether leave or stay. In my mind, if one leaves after 2 years there will be fewer regrets. This was the year I was facing a very likely chance that Shaun would stay in Chicago for good. It took awhile to let it sink in past the tears but, eventually I was okay with it. Besides, I enjoyed taking vacations there. I like Chicago. I like that I don't have to deal with the shady side of politics in that historic city. Instead I get to drink during open mic nights, and smoke weed before going to art museums. Yep, I like spending time with Shaun...in his world.
Sarah was living in Greensboro, going to UNCG. She became my winter road trip destination. During the snow season I'd drive the 3 hours to her place and spend the night. The next morning we'd rise at dawn and drive 2 hours to Boone where we'd snowboard a few hours. Then I'd drive the 5 hours back home. We did this a lot during the week when the slopes weren't so crowded and lift tickets were cheaper. C is a skier and a couple of time this year the three of us went to Snowshoe. In fact we've made this a yearly trip. Snowshoe has really changed since the first time I was there in 1982.
The most profound relationship I had going on however was with C. When we first started dating I was pretty perplexed. Here was this person who made me feel like I could conquer the world, but she didn't have a penis. What she did have was a sensitive, deep rooted form of compassion, and tits. She's also got a quick & witty sense of humor. I continue to marvel at her smart one liners.
It's said that a friend will bail you out of jail, but a good friend sits in jail with you chatting about how much fun it was getting there. C was that person. I'm 17 years her senior yet she's gobs more secure within herself then I was at this time. C gave me leeway to explore my creative side. She doesn't probe, push, nor presume. With her I have the grace to question, and the space to fumble or fly in the answers. I don't know if I'm necessarily gay, but what I do know is when C is around, I feel love is at my side. Even my kids say I'm more giddy around her.
Sebastian Inlet Florida. C & the new Baby G
One weekend this year C and I went to Raleigh for two reasons; #1) C played Rugby and had a tournament up there to play in. Unfortunately that day she blew out her second ACL. She had already blown out the other knee years ago and had surgery, so consequently, this weekend would be her last tournament, and the Cape Fear Rugby girls would lose their star #10. Reason #2 for our trip was to get my 4door G35 worked on. In between tournament games, and before C blew out her knee, we went to pick up my car. We decided to cruise the Infinity lot and look at the latest G35s. I spotted a 2door black one with a manual 6 stick. "May I test drive that car?" I asked the dealer. He went for the keys.
The second I started up the sexy black machine I knew I was in love. G35s purr with power at the turn of a key. "Make sure your seatbelt is tight." I told the dealer. I pulled out of the lot and headed for the I440 Beltline. By the time I entered the Beltline I was going over 80. I zigged and zagged my way through traffic like I was doing a rally race. After a couple of miles I exited the Beltline and took some side roads with lots of curves back to the Infinity lot. "I'll take it." I told the salesman when we pulled up to the lot. That afternoon, out of the blue, I bought a new car...a shinny black Infinity G35 coupe. I also lowered my car payment $70 a month on a 3 year loan! C and I pulled up to the Rugby pitch with my new machine and bedazzled the team with our spontaneousness. I never regretted the moment, nor any road trip since. C had fun getting her torn ACL in the car for the ride home however.
2005 was an exciting fast pace year.
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